Stand - Learning to Lead Through Conflict

INTRODUCTION

WILLIAM ELLERY CHANNING

As I sat on the stage waiting to speak, I kept thinking, “How in the world did I get in this position? How did it all come to this?” Outwardly, I appeared poised—my expression fixed like flint to the wind. Inwardly, I felt as if I was falling apart into a hundred pieces. My mind swirled as I recalled the events of the previous months. I thought I was on the right track and had led this church in the direction God wanted, only to find myself in a battle I didn’t see coming.

Soon, the choir would finish and I would take the podium and deliver one of the most important messages of my life. The excitement in the room was palpable, but I was anything but excited. A great tension consumed me. I loved and cared for this church deeply; as their pastor, I had the privilege of watching God work miracles and change lives in countless individuals, families and communities. However, lurking among these sheep were wolves. They looked and talked like sheep, but their actions behind the scenes were deceptive and malicious. Not only did they want me out as senior pastor, they wanted to destroy me personally. I could sense them watching me from the crowd, licking their chops and hoping for my demise.

Suddenly, irrational thoughts started to fill my mind: “Why did I even accept the job here? I wouldn’t be in this mess had I said, ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ and stayed at my previous job. That was at least comfortable and predictable. But this job? This is a fool’s errand. The easiest thing to do would be to pack it up and leave.”

The choir’s final song was nearing an end and I surveyed the sea of people in front of me. So much of the experience made it seem like any other Sunday at our church. Senses were heightened and the feeling in the air was electric. The joyful singing and resounding praise that filled the place was familiar to me. Celebration reverberated throughout the auditorium and people were dancing in the aisles. Clearly, God’s presence was in this place and I felt it. While so many were experiencing holy revelry, I sat sulking in my own cynicism towards the whole ordeal. “How can I celebrate with shouts to the Lord when it looks like his vision for me and our church is coming apart at the seams?”

In the past, whenever I was frustrated or facing a big challenge, I would do what I knew I could do, which is preach! Whenever I preach, a passion is fueled within me and I come to life. The pulpit was my safe haven, and the place I knew I could have some modicum of control when it seemed like the world around me was chaotic. Without a doubt, the past few months felt out of control at The Luke and I thought the church might come off the rails at a moment’s notice.

I was confident I was being obedient with the vision God gave me for our church. But so much had happened to threaten that vision. At the time, I thought the math was pretty simple in carrying out God’s work: vision + obedience = blessing and fulfillment. Looking back, I see that God wanted to take me beyond that simplistic understanding. He was taking me on a journey that would teach me more about leadership than I ever thought possible. And I was learning a valuable lesson in leadership—that a leader cannot please everyone, but he or she is sure to have conflict with someone. Through this experience I began to identify with the difficulties, frustrations, setbacks and needs of others so prolific in Scripture.

The choir concluded and my moment had arrived. I scanned the crowd and noticed a group of teenagers in a corner of the auditorium. Normally, I’d see them passing notes or making funny remarks to their friends about others being emotional during the service. It wasn’t uncommon to see them space out or be entirely disinterested. Today was different. They looked at me with a fixed focus that caught me off guard. I had never seen such arrested attention from them before.

That glance happened in a flash, but it unlocked something powerful in me. The message was clear: God had a purpose and he wanted me at The Luke. I was called to lead this church—through thick and thin—and influence the next generation. If I shirked my responsibilities by tucking tail and running away, I would be outside God’s will. I would be like Jonah, who ran from God’s clear instructions for him to preach in Nineveh (Jonah 1:1-3). Jonah’s disobedience jeopardized the salvation of the Ninevites, but his eventual obedience to God’s will led to the repentance and salvation of the capital of the Assyrian Empire (Jonah 3:1-10).

A LEADER CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE, BUT HE OR SHE IS SURE TO HAVE CONFLICT WITH SOMEONE.

REAL AND LASTING CHANGE DOESN’T HAPPEN WITHOUT SOME DIFFICULTY, BECAUSE HUMAN BEINGS TEND TO GRAVITATE TOWARDS WHAT’S COMFORTABLE, KNOWN AND SAFE.

I knew I couldn’t run. What was happening in our church was bigger than me. This was God’s vision and I knew he would carry it out through us. Our church had been down a rocky road with obstacles around every bend in the past months. The room was hushed with the silence of anticipation; a multitude of men and women of all generations were on the edge of their seat, anxiously waiting on what I would say. The stage lights were bright and hot. A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead. I wiped it off with my handkerchief and opened my Bible. In that moment I wasn’t nervous. Nor was I scared. I knew what I had to do, regardless of the difficulties and conflict that lie ahead for our church. I was going to preach. And I was going to stand!

LEADERS AFFECT CHANGE

This book is my story. I didn’t choose it, but I lived it and learned a lifetime’s worth of lessons from it. Stand is my attempt to put on paper what God has taught me through an experience I believe you can relate to on some level as a leader.

Being a pastor often feels like you’re spinning multiple plates at the same time. The church—like any organization—is full of broken people with different wants, needs and desires. Trying to address all of these and steer an organization in the right direction is a tall order for anyone, even the best of leaders.

Great leaders influence others towards change, but change hardly ever comes easily. More often than not, change is an uphill climb that requires patience and conviction to shift previously held beliefs and dispositions of others and show them a better way of thinking and living. Real and lasting change doesn’t happen without some difficulty, because human beings tend to gravitate towards what’s comfortable, known and safe. When you disrupt the status quo (i.e., the way things have always been done in an organization), you can expect some pushback. It’s likely that some in your organization will openly oppose you.

I’m confident many of you reading this can think of a person (or group) that has resisted your leadership and ideas. Conflict is a common occurrence in all walks of life. So we shouldn’t be surprised when we come up against it in our day-to-day lives. Being a leader requires that we lean into conflict rather than run from it. Being a great leader on any level means being responsible to address and deal with conflict in order to affect real and lasting change.

LEADERS HAVE VISION

You might think godly people would all get behind a leader’s God-directed vision. As much as we would like that to be true, that’s not the reality we often experience. Even the early church had to wrestle through conflict. The early church was a diverse group of cultures and traditions. Is it any wonder that there was plenty of disagreement among those first Christians? That being said, Acts also shows us that God works within people’s differences and disagreements to bring about his will.

God is not deterred by conflict and uses it to fulfill his purposes. He does that through leaders who carry out his vision. Great leaders are men and women of vision. They are able to see beyond what is to what could be. Great leaders are able to navigate the icebergs of conflict to lead a group or organization into great horizons of possibility and effectiveness. Successful leaders are those that are able to connect others to the vision he or she has received from God. God gives leaders his vision and leaders are responsible to point others to it by influencing and inspiring others to go with them into new and uncharted territory.

NO SHORT CUTS IN LEADERSHIP

There is no short cut on the road to becoming the kind of leader that leaves a legacy. God doesn’t equip his leaders that way. Just look at God’s leaders in Scripture. Their paths weren’t smoothly paved highways. They were wrought with all kinds of conflict, disappointment, frustration and obstinacy from those that followed them. The challenge for those leaders—and every leader—is using those difficult experiences constructively.1 This is especially true in the area of conflict.

Conflict is a necessary part of the leadership journey and cannot be avoided. Sooner or later, conflict will find us in our relationships, workplaces and ministries. Making the decision to stand when conflict arises will set you apart as a true leader and difference maker for...